笑话能反映出一个民族的价值系统及其对周围世界肯定和否定的态度。下面是我带来的英语幽默笑话带翻译，欢迎阅读!
英语幽默笑话带翻译精选
一
他的得数只比正确答案多二
Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren't always art enought to be accepted by the college One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I'd better ask him a few questions first" Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn't know any of the answers At last the dean said, "Well, what's five times seven" The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six" The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two"
杰克霍金斯是美国一所学院的橄榄球队教练，他竭力想物色好球员。但是好球员学业不行，院方不愿录取。 有一天，教练带着一位优秀的年轻球员去见院长，希望院方同意他免试入学。经过一番劝说后院长说：“那我最好先问问他几个问题。” 然后他转向学生，问了几个非常简单的问题。可是那个学生一个也答不上来。 最后院长说：“那么，五乘七得多少” 学生想了很久，然后回答说：“三十六。” 院长摊开双手失望地看教练。可是教练认真地说，“噢，录取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正确答案多二。”
二
基本原则
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau wasknown of his droll sense of humor Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don't mind if you look at yourwatches during class I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make surethey're still running"
位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”
英语幽默笑话带翻译阅读
一
A Life for a Life
以“命”抵命
The English author, Richard Savage, was once living inLondon in great poverty In order toearn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life, but not many copies of the bookhad beensold in the shops, and Savage was living from hand tomouth As a result of his lack of food hebecame very ill, but after a time, owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him, hegot well again
英国作家理查德·萨维奇一度在伦敦过著贫困潦倒的生活，为了赚几个钱，他曾写了有关他自己生平的故事。但是这部书在书店里并没有卖出几本，萨维奇过著朝不保夕的日子。由于缺乏食物，他病得很厉害。后来，由于给他治疗的那个医生的高明医术，他才又恢复了健康。
After a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits, but poor Savage hadn'tanymoney and couldn't pay it The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again Butstill no money came Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money Inthe endhe came to Savage's house and asked him for payment, saying to Savage, “You know you oweyour life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you”
过了一两个星期之后，医生给萨维奇送来了一张讨要诊费的帐单，但是贫穷的萨维奇没有钱来偿付。医生等了一个月后又送来了帐单，但仍然未索回分文。几个星期之后，他又送来帐单要钱。最后，医生本人来到了萨维奇的家中，对他说：“你明白，你是欠我一条命的，我希望你有所报答。”
“I agree,” said Savage, “that I owe my life to you, and toprove to you that I am not ungratefulfor your work I will givemy life to you”
“是的，”萨维奇说，“我是欠你一条命，为了向你证明我对你的诊治不是不报答，我将把我的命给你。”
With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled,The life of Richard Savage
说著这番话，萨维奇递给医生两卷书，名叫《理查德·萨维奇的一生》。
二
区别
"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in oneof my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles "When I say,'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon" But the graduate studentsjust write it down"
“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”
英语幽默笑话带翻译学习
一
抄袭
A friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St Louis tell aboutthe time he spotted a plagiarized term paper He summoned the student to his office "This isn'tyour work" he said "Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia "You cann'tprove that!" the student sputtered My friend amiled and show him the paper Circled in redwas: "Also see article on muni "
我有个朋友在圣路易斯的华盛顿大学教欧洲历史，他说有一次他发现了一篇抄袭的学期论文。他把那个学生叫到了办公室。“这不是你写的，”他说，“有人帮你从百科全书上原封不动地列印了下来。” “你没有证据。”那学生气急败坏地说。 我朋友笑了，他把论文拿给他看。用红笔圈出来的是：“也可参阅共产主义一文。”
二
Get Ready!
A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses Kicked out of school Prepare Pop" Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared Prepare yourself"
校园里流传着这样的故事：一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报，上面写着：“妈妈-我所有功课都不及格，被学校开除。让爸爸做好准备。” 两天以后，他收到了回电：“爸爸已准备好。你自己做好准备吧!”
下面是我整理的 英语笑话 幽默，希望对大家有帮助。
英语笑话幽默：我妹妹的手指头
Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time
Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home
Teacher: I don't see any bandages
Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail
老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了
凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。
老师：怎么没有扎绷带呀
凯温：噢，砸的不是我的手指头，我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。
英语笑话幽默：新西兰的气候
The Climate of New Zealand
Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand
Matthew: Very Cold, sir
Teacher: Wrong
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样
马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。
老师：错了。
马修：可是，先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。
英语笑话幽默：Good news or Bad news
An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied
"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings"
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be"
With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor"
以为艺术家在一个画廊办了个展览，他问店主是否有人对他参展的画感兴趣。
“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息。”店主回答。
“先告诉我好消息。”画家要求道。
“好消息是一位绅士询问了你的作品，还问它是否会在你死后增。我告诉他会的，然后他买下了你所有的15幅画作。”
“那太棒了!”画家惊叹。“那么什么会是坏消息呢”
店主想了想之后说：“问那个问题的是你的医生”。
英语笑话幽默：I don't think I know
Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring"
John: "What do you think it is, sir"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"
老师：“John，动词ring的过去分词是什么”。
约翰：“你想它是什么呢”
老师：“我不用想，我知道!”。
约翰：“我想我不知道”。
英语笑话幽默：A Girl's Name 女孩的名字
When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late(已故的) father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine(男性的)
Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special I named you after my own father because I loved him very much I know he would be proud of you
Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name
女儿出生时，我们给她取名叫迈尔斯，和我深爱的业已过世的父亲同一个名字，不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。
几年以后，我觉得迈尔斯已经长大，能够懂事了。我对她解释说：你的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的名字，因为我非常爱他。我相信他会为你而深感自豪的。
迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下，然后说道：这些我都懂，妈妈。可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字。
英语笑话幽默：电脑问题
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve She could not print yellow All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow I had the customer change ink cartridges，delete and reinstall the drivers Nothing worked I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper"
我在惠普公司打印机部做技术支持工作已经有一个月了，有一天我接到一位客户的电话，她的问题我没办法解决。她的问题是：打印机不能打出来**，但是 其它 颜色都正常。这让我觉得很纳闷，因为三原色就是蓝、红、黄。我建议客户更换墨盒、删了驱动程序然后重新安装，但是都没有效果。我咨询同事们，他们也不知道该怎么办。经过两个多小时的交涉，我打算让客户把打印机寄给我们，这时候她平静地说了一句：“我是不是应该把这张黄纸扔了换一张白纸再打印试试。”
英语笑话幽默：精神病医生
Jerry went to a psychiatrist "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears" "How much do you charge" "A hundred dollars per visit" "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street "Why didn't you ever come to see me again" asked the psychiatrist "For a hundred bucks a visit The bartender cured me for $10" "Is that so! How" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"
杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候，我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!”“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”“费用是多少呢”“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的。”杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“为什么你再也没来呢”医生问。“一次一百块钱吗有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”“真的他怎么做到的”“他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那没人了!”
英语笑话幽默：死后重生
"Do you believe in life after death" the boss asked one of his employees "Yes, Sir" the new recruit replied"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you
“你相信人能死后重生吗”老板问他的一个员工。 “我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。 “哦，那还好”。老板接着说。 “你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。”
英语笑话幽默：他什么都没听到
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home My husband was in all morning He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel "Oh, good," she gushed "We've been waiting for this for ages" "What is it" I asked "My husband's new hearing aid"
我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。
英语笑话幽默：有效
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday"
汤姆早上老起不来，所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气，警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他的鱿鱼。于是，汤姆去看医生，医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。汤姆照医生的话做了，睡得非常之好，事实上，他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。汤姆从容不迫地吃完早餐，然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。 “老板”，汤姆说，“那药真管用，我的睡眠好极了!” “是够管用的，”老板说，“问题是，昨天你人哪去了”
英语笑话幽默：两个笨贼
Two robbers were robbing a hotel The first robber said, "I hear sirens Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"
两个盗贼在一家旅馆偷东西。第一个说：“我听到警报响了，快跳吧!” 第二个说：“但是我们现在在第13层啊!” 第一个尖叫着回敬他：“都什么时候了，还这么迷信!”
英语笑话幽默：结婚的花费
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married"
小男孩问他的父亲：“爸爸，结婚要花多少钱”
His father replied, "I don't know, son, because I'm still paying for it now"
他的父亲回答说：“儿子，我不知道，因为我现在还在为它付账呢。”
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